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AfriGeneas Writers Forum

Re: The Gift: ( How I Got Over )
In Response To: The Gift: ( How I Got Over ) ()

I remember a couple of things from a writing class from years ago: "write tight" and "show, don't tell." Let your characters and their action reveal what you want us to know about them. With that in mind, I offer the following:

As written: "As a child I loved to get gift at Christmas and birthdays. But the summer I was three years old, I discovered a gift that took me a whole lifetime to appreciate.

Possible revision: The summer I was three years old, I discovered a gift that took me a lifetime to appreciate.

Your first sentence doesn't really add anything but your second sentence is your strength! Begin there!

The use of "whole" with lifetime is redundant as the word "lifetime" presumes "whole" or it wouldn't be called a lifetime.

I can hear the revised sentence as a voice-over...the camera begins to tighten in on shot...your story reveals itself.

Good luck. Thanks for letting me offer a suggestion. Linda DuPuy

18 Dec 2002 :: 14 Nov 2008
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