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AfriGeneas Adoption Forum

Re: Adoption Forum
In Response To: Re: Adoption Forum ()

I'm also an adoptive parent--twice blessed. My son is now 33 years old and has children of his own. My "baby" daughter is 23.

I adopted at a time when it was still something that was kept fairly quiet. Folks were encouraged to adopt children who looked like them so that there would be fewer or no questions. Although we didn't set out to do that, when the children were younger my son looked remarkably like my natural child and my daughter like my husband's so they just went around saying that they looked like their mom or dad, respectively. They have always known that they were adopted.

I hardly ever think about their being adopted and I think this is true for them as well. I was fortunate to obtain the names of my son's natural parents from a sympathetic attorney who left my son's file open on his desk while he absented himself for about 30 minutes. I will always be grateful. I don't know as much about my daughter beyond her birth mother's last name and the name and address (at the time) of her foster mother.

From the time they were young teens I have always offered to sit with my children and tell them what I know about their birth parents. I don't know whether it's good or bad but neither has ever taken me up on it and now when I bring it up they act like I'm badgering them :) Maybe they're just not ready or maybe it's a non-issue for them because they feel that they already have parents.

Maybe as a genealogist I'm more curious than they are about their origins and want to do the research to have it when/if they--or their children--ever ask.

Has anyone dealt with this issue yet? Do you think I ought to proceed independently of them or just let it go?

B.J.


18 Dec 2002 :: 14 Nov 2008
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